Saturday, February 14, 2009

Its raining of course and the ground is slick because its cold and windy. What better time to get a coffee, no answer, would the sun help? Probably not. What would? I tell ya' a long drive through a mountain, the kind where they cut a whole in a tree then the roads turn and turn and you wear your breaks down but it wouldn't matter. I would buy new breaks everyday. Do you know how cold that river is, you shouldn't jump in and then you do and you jump with both feet and just fall and it takes your breathe. One of two things happens when you jump in with two feet. You either have the time of your life or you  break your legs. What an analogy for life. What if the water is too shallow?

The door won't shut all the way without making the most horrible noise. Not a screen door slam more like a wounded animal loud and scared and running away. It wakes up the whole house so you decide to jump in a car. The white one not the blue one and you just drive forever and then you get where your going and its dark so you get a hotel and you spend your last dime on a paper cup filled with African death and you just drink it and think about the cold. In hours, if everything goes right, the sun comes up and it hurts your eyes and your head but what if it didn't come up and it was that one night forever? Yeah what if?

Its hard walking down long wooden steps next to a water fall in the dead of winter at night but you do it anyway and if you had the least bit of foresight you would have brought that blanket. The one your mom made when you were a kid. The one with the wholes in it that makes you feel like Christmas and hard nights. We would spread it on a rock and fumble around until we found the one comfortable place that there wasn't a poker or root or just a sharp piece of rock digging through your bones and we would lay there until it rained then we would sit up and talk about how crappy rain is. The only bad thing is the three dollars we shoved in an envelope to park. We didn't have to but i like the park and we decided it was ok.

 The car tries to crank, it doesn't then it does and the pedal hits the floor and the volume knob gets turned all the way right and then a little bit to the left to keep from being fuzzy and deafening. I drive this time and don't worry about the road because its that song that I scream to on the way how every night. I worry the whole song about missing that one note at the end where the guy singing, the guy getting paid to sing it misses it and everyone thinks he meant to but he didn't and it sells anyway. Yeah that note and you are singing as loud as you can and you are alone in your mind and nothing else matters and the build up happens and you get confident and you think the note is yours and a second after the songs wants you to sing it you go for it and you scream FIX IT you hit it in your mind but not in real life. In real life you just howled and you are happy in that. The person with you laughs and likes it and you feel safe.

Not much of what a blog post should be or exactly what it isn't
all the very best
Jacob

2 comments:

  1. Stream of consciousness, ay? Nice ~ H

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